So, she turned to me. What do you do at the church?
Pardon me? I didn't quite understand her question.
At my last church, the priest's wife was always there, organizing things and cleaning up. What do you do at the church?
I swallowed hard. I didn't want to mention that at her last church, the priest's spouse was actually the full-time Christian formation director who had a master's degree in theology. Nor did I inquire whether she asks doctor's spouses what they do at the hospital or lawyer's spouses how they pitch in at the courthouse.
So I smiled. I love our church. And my job is managing editor of a publishing house.
We're working with Richard Schori, spouse of Presiding Bishop Katharine Jefferts Schori, on a lovely book about life with Katharine and ministry across The Episcopal Church. In an essay, he includes a section on clergy spouses. How we're often seen as appendages to our collared half. The assumptions about our role in the congregation (seen a lot, rarely heard).
As congregations continue to welcome new vestry members and begin the process of forming new leadership teams, ECF Vital Practices’ continues to share the wisdom and experience of congregational leaders from across our church.
Here are their stories:
I hate to garden. But I really like the results.
A house seems so much warmer with an entry flanked by vibrant flowers. A backyard feels lived in with the turn of a red tomato or the wandering vine of a pumpkin.
Not only is gardening a chore for me, but also I’m not very good at it either. Nearly every plant we receive meets a lonely, thirsty end (or in some cases, death by drowning). Our best intentions are thwarted by lack of skill and attention.
That’s why I appreciate the parable of the wheat and the weeds from Sunday’s gospel reading (Matthew 13:24-30, 36-43). I thank God that I don’t have to know the difference, to separate the good from the bad. I’d be forever plucking off flower buds while the dandelions take over.
In the corner of our yard are a small flowerbed and a lamppost. Some ivy has been working hard to overcome our green-thumb deficits but there’s still a lot of uncovered clay and soil. Last year the spot played host to our fall spray of gourds and pumpkins. Our son and his friends enjoyed the end of the season with a gourd fight, smashing them on driveway and ground.
Sometimes it’s shaving your head. Volunteering for the dunking booth. Or staying to clean up after the women’s tea.
In all of our congregations, there’s been a moment when things shift. It’s almost imperceptible but like finally breaking in a pair of heels, suddenly things seem to fit better.
This blog is for both priests (and their families) and people in the congregation. For priests, it’s a promise that most of the time, the shift will happen, and people will see you in a new light, still as preacher and pastor but also a member of the community. For people in the pews, I write this to say that it’s hard waiting for the shift, feeling of-but-not-in the community. I hope you’ll work to make the wait easier by including the priest in your end-of-summer soiree and the neighborhood block party.
I'm sure this raises the ire of some, who perhaps rightfully claim priests should stand apart. Priests can’t be friends with parishioners, they say. Fraternizing only leads to blurred lines of authority, accountability, and respect.
But I’m not talking about cozying up, the priest and parishioners becoming BFF’s. Rather, when this shift happens, the priest is seen as part of the community. You’re no longer surprised if you run into him or her at the grocery store (priests eat?) or in the park (priests walk their dogs?). It’s when you’re thinking about the guest list for a Christmas party, and the priest makes it on there not of obligation but because the omission would seem weird.
We received the keys to our new house last night.
The kids ran from room to empty room, claiming their space and plotting design elements. We brought the champagne to pop open after the old owners left.
But a funny thing happened. Like most moves, it took longer to clean out the last bit of stuff than they anticipated. The previous owners were still loading and sweeping, and by this time, forgoing boxes and instead, throwing their belongings in trash bags to sort out later.
You’ve probably seen the posts by now about the pay-it-forward movement on Facebook.
“The first five people to comment on this status will receive from me, sometime in the next year, a gift - perhaps a handmade item, some baked goods, a candle or some other surprise. There will be no warning; it will happen when the mood strikes me. Inbox me your address if I don't already have it! The catch is the first five to respond must post this message on their Facebook page and make the same offer.”
Social media is a strange creature, telling us far more sometimes than we want to know (I really don’t care about the color, texture or velocity of a child’s vomit). Sometimes it creates rifts: my husband’s great-uncle recently unfriended both of us. Facebook is not a good medium for him – he comes across spiteful, angry and bigoted, so perhaps the unfriending is a blessing.
But there is also a real power in the way it connects people. Birthday blessings are fun, but it’s also a privilege to offer prayers for the high school friend whose 18-year-old niece died unexpectedly.
I found it hard to imagine St. Mary’s going on without its rector - or rather, its former rector - and yet that’s exactly what was happening. Vibrant worship was taking place, new vegetables were being planted in the garden, a summer concert was planned, and there were even a few new visitors.
Two Sundays ago, I headed up to West Harlem to preach at St. Mary’s Manhattanville church, my former parish. It was the first time I’d been there in a long while, and it was the first opportunity I’d had to see the full impact of the recent departure of its beloved rector, the Rev. Earl Kooperkamp. I was one of the many people who’ve since been invited to preach in Fr. Earl’s absence.
I was excited to be back at St. Mary’s. St. Mary’s was the church that first welcomed me into the Episcopal Church; it was also where I made my go at the ordination process. Throughout these ups-and-downs, Fr. Earl was a constant, larger-than-life presence who challenged me, the neighborhood, and wider Church to “Be Not Afraid.” (How larger-than-life? Check out this New York Times profile of him and other Harlem clergy, his recent arrest at Duarte Square, and his outspoken witness against the New York Police Department’s “Stop and Frisk” policy and criminal profiling of Muslims.)
Lutheran Pastor Keith Anderson recently posted this blog advocating that all clergy maintain a personal blog or website. He says:
Tip: if you don’t already have personal blog or website, start one. Share some sermons, video, your ideas, reflections, and pictures. Give people a way to get to know you and your work. Just as we expect churches to have website, we increasingly expect leaders themselves to have some kind of online platform. Tumblr.com or WordPress.com are both good options.
Is anyone else concerned about our church’s impassioned embrace of depression as we look toward General Convention and a challenging future? The Episcopal blogosphere is full of articles underscoring our grim institutional trajectory. A couple of the best are from Episcopal Journey of Hope – Where Have All the Rectors Gone? – a stark appraisal of declining job opportunities in the Midwest, and from The Crusty Old Dean – Guns, Germs and the Episcopal Church, a challenge to the church to radically restructure or collapse.
A few observations:
I don’t want to share my friend with church.
In January my family moved to a new community and church. The parishioners have been wonderful, and the community has embraced our children. It has been a good transition.
But let’s be honest: Making friends as an adult isn’t nearly as easy as it was as a child or even as in college and the young adult years. You don’t have the easy access to sharing a lunch table or playing at recess. There’s not the relaxed comraderie of dorm life or the work-all-day, play-all-night pattern from my early 20s. Consumed by responsibilities of family, work, and community, It’s harder to find someone with whom you connect.
As we were moving in to our new home, I made a friend. She’s funny and kind, a great storyteller, and a good mom. We clicked.
So here’s the problem. We’ve talk about faith, and I sense a curiosity. Burned by some church folks throughout her life, she doesn’t attend anywhere now. I think the Episcopal Church would be a great fit.
But I don’t want to share.
This morning I received the letter from my Rector saying he was leaving our parish in New York City and going to a congregation in Vermont. We knew it was coming…he’d always said he’d serve at St. Mary’s for about 10 years. At last year’s annual meeting he reminded us the time was coming.
But now it’s real. He delivered his resignation letter to the wardens and vestry. The announcement to the congregation has been made. A date for his last Sunday is set.
The transition process begins.
I’ve been feeling and thinking a lot about transition because I, too, am leaving. I’ll be leaving this beloved parish after 18 years and moving out of NYC. I’ll also be leaving my job with the Episcopal Church Foundation after 14 years of wonderful work. Like my rector leaving our congregation, there comes a time for a healthy change – the Holy Spirit calls us to go and grow in new ways, even though it means leaving many of the people and places we love.
In the last two weeks of the emotional rollercoaster with my own transition, I’ve taken time to remind myself about best practices for moving gracefully through change. I’ve read articles by William Bridges, including his wonderful retelling of Moses leading the Israelites out of Egypt and through the wilderness. I’ve taken time to touch base with my colleagues about what they are feeling and thinking, in addition to drafting the action plan that will guide us for the next six weeks. I’ve been journaling and praying each morning, trying to get enough sleep every night.
St. Nicholas greeted us at the door.
This evening is one of my favorites leading up to Christmas. The children giggle, laugh, and point. Some hide behind their mothers’ legs, peeking one eye out at the jolly ole soul. We combine the delight of Santa with the telling of the story of the saint, and it connects – at least a little – the giving and receiving of gifts.
Kid after kid climbed on his lap, posed for pictures and then shared their list. Electric scooters. Harry Potter movies. iPods and iPhones (the last was my daughter. I caught St. Nicholas’ eye and shook my head a slight no. He steered her quickly into another direction).
Responding to a call or lack thereof
No matter how closely you have followed the advice on this blog, the reality is only one final candidate will receive a call from the vestry and search committee. Most will receive what feels like a rejection. The candidate receiving the call should be ready to accept the call, pending resolution of any compensation issues. Rejecting a call at this late date can be devastating to search committees and is frowned upon by bishops and transition ministry officers. Occasionally, candidates may be weighing a second possible call at the same time. While you can ask a search committee for a bit of time to weigh another call, it is unfair to ask them to wait too long.
The successful candidate and vestry must negotiate a letter of agreement to conclude the calling process. Most dioceses have standardized letters of agreement and annually revised compensation guidelines that can be obtained from their website or transition ministry office. Use these in your final negotiations. A call is not complete until the letter of agreement has been signed by the vestry, candidate, and bishop. If the call is to another diocese, the candidate must undergo a background check. The successful candidate can notify their wardens and current bishop before the background check has been completed and the letter of agreement signed, but a broad announcement should wait until all the necessary paperwork has been completed.
Shakespeare was right: Parting is such sweet sorrow.
We are in the midst of these dueling emotions. Christmas Day will be the last service at our current churches. Three weeks later, we begin a new call with a new congregation.
And we’re excited. The new church has lots of children and some amazing programs. The people are energized about mission and passionate about community. The location is two hours nearer to my side of the family. And after six years of telecommuting with a weekly (or more) 2 ½-hour drive, I’ll be three miles from the diocesan office.
God is good.
Engaging in face–to-face interviews
There are two forms of face-to-face interviews: a visit to your current parish by a subgroup of the search committee, and a final tour and interview at the prospective parish with the whole search committee and/or vestry. Clergy not currently engaged in parish ministry are usually asked to “borrow” a pulpit in a local parish, so the visitors can hear them preach. Some search committees may omit the step of visiting home parishes for financial reasons.
The pre-visit preparation arrangements give clergy an opportunity to demonstrate their administrative skills. Clergy should help the visiting team make their arrangements. If a hotel is needed, help find a good, reasonably priced one near the church. Send the visiting team maps showing the location of the church, hotel, restaurants, and parking. You may have some latitude choosing the specific day of the visit. If so, choose a day which can best illuminate your ministries, a day with special programs, or a day with good lectionary passages on which to preach.
Discern what search committees are looking for and respond to their questions
Some search committees ask for responses to questionnaires with an initial application. Other committees review initial applications and nominations and send information about their parishes, including a profile, to potential candidates, and ask those candidates to send information about their ministries, including responses to a questionnaire, back to the committee. After further screening, the search committee may also ask for a phone interview.
Clergy should begin this step of the process by discerning whether the vacancy represents a positive and fulfilling step on their vocational journey. Gather as much information as possible about the parish from their profile, website (including newsletters often posted online), and a Google search of the parish and its community. You may contact people who know the parish, including their interim, but do not contact members of the parish, as they may be involved in the search process.
Basic Paperwork for Entering a Search Process: OTM Portfolios, Résumé, and Cover Letters
Three documents are required to make initial contact with a search committee: a résumé, an OTM Portfolio, and a cover letter. Each of these documents should be concise and polished, as search committees often begin with fifty or more potential candidates. The initial screening of that many inquiries is likely to be cursory. The important information about a successful applicant’s ministry needs to jump off the page of each of these documents.
The résumé should be no more than two pages long, with all of the important information on the first page. The first review of a résumé tends to be cursory. After all, a search committee member may have a stack of forty applications to read. The résumé should communicate the message, “explore this candidate more thoroughly” within thirty seconds of reading.
Identify appropriate open positions
When searching for open positions, clergy should develop a fairly broad screen to help discern which available positions might be appropriate matches. Elements in an initial screen might be: geography, kind of job (i.e. rector, associate, bishop, etc.), parish size, and compensation. These elements can be easily discerned in a search of all potential openings. Once these broader criteria are met, clergy can begin to research a more limited number of openings and discern about matching skills, values, and purpose. Information to answer those deeper questions is often not evident at the beginning of a search process.
Open positions for Episcopal clergy are posted on a variety of websites. This blog has attempted to aggregate all of those sites to provide a simple portal to all job listings. On the left hand column of the following page, you will find a long list under “Episcopal Clergy Openings”. The list begins the Office of Transition Ministry (OTM) Portfolio, which contains the most comprehensive listing of job openings. That is followed by the Transition Ministry Network Newsletter, which contains listings from dioceses in New England, the Mid-Atlantic, Upper South and the Midwest. A list of individual diocesan websites that post some deployment information follows. If you know of other online listings, please forward that information to the Discernment Doctor.
Step 1. Define your skills, values, and purpose
Who are you, what are your blessings, and where might you like to exercise those blessings? If you don’t know who you are, you will not be able to discern what positions might be good for you, and therefore you will not be able to effectively sell your strengths to a search committee. Just as a parish begins a search process by creating a profile describing their assets, challenges and aspirations, so too clergy should begin their search by identifying their experience, skills, values, dreams and purpose. This portfolio of information serves two purposes. It will provide information for your resume, and OTM Ministry Portfolio, and responses to search committee questions. It will also provide clergy with a yardstick to help discern whether given parish opening is a good fit.
Understanding the process from the clergy’s perspective
Clergy beginning to search for a new position can anticipate spending a year or two looking at several prospective positions before finding a good match and receiving a call. This process takes time for at three reasons:
It takes a while to find a good match.
Not all good matches result in a call.
The process from initial nomination through final interview and decision often takes six to eight months.
Clergy in a search process have two tasks:
To discern whether a given parish will be a blessing for you and your family.
To present yourself to the search committee as a blessing to the parish.