August 2, 2012

Remembering

You remembered.

That’s what I thought when a co-worker brought up the flowers. It was my tenth anniversary working for the diocese, and my sweet husband remembered. This anniversary isn’t mentioned in Hallmark. There’s no indication for paper or glass or diamonds on a tenth anniversary of working in one place. But to me, it was a milestone.

And he remembered.

We should spend a lot of time remembering. This is not about living in the past but celebrating and honoring important moments that have shaped us, collectively and individually. It matters to people to be thought of on special days in their lives. We are a relational people, and we want in a deep and abiding way to be remembered.

I offer two easy ways for churches to incorporate remembering into the daily practice. 

Send birthday cards. Probably many congregations do this already, but if not, you should start. These birthday cards should be handwritten, preferably by the priest. Snail mail birthday cards are an endangered delight. Facebook allows us to receive hundreds of well wishes typed and sent, but a snail mail card means somebody really cared. 

The second suggestion is more of a challenge. A retired priest in our diocese decided early in his ministry to send anniversary cards to the couples he married. His hope was that the relationship didn’t start and end on the day he officiated at the wedding, but that their connection would build and deepen. 

After a few years, he added Christmas cards to the mix. People started writing back (which makes sense – most of us don’t reply to anniversary cards, even if we’re delighted to receive them, but we do intentionally send Christmas cards to those who remembered us). The relationships started to blossom, with couples sharing about their lives since the wedding: children, jobs, travel, heartbreak. 

Over the years, this priest was able to keep in touch with 40-45 couples, remembering them each anniversary (sometimes, being the only person to remember the anniversary) and at Christmas. 

Upon retirement, he and his wife decided to take the relationship one step further. They contacted each of the couples and asked if they could take them out to dinner. In the course of this ministry, some couples had divorced. Others were widowed or remarried. But most took the priest up on his offer, and he and his wife traveled around the country – and even to Scotland – to have dinner together, to break bread, and to remember. 

Sounds familiar. 

There’s a power and poignancy in being remembered. We strengthen our church, our faith, our relationships when we intentionally honor each other by remembering. 

“Do this for the remembrance of me.”