June 18, 2013

Confessions of a Cradle Atheist

Over dinner at a conference for Episcopal clergy, a colleague leaned in confidentially over dinner. “Is it true you were raised by atheists?”

Apparently my standard flip answer to my least favorite Episcopal question had gotten around: “No, not a cradle Episcopalian...cradle atheist!” My dinner companion made it sound as if I had been raised by wolves.

I am an immigrant in Episcopal land, and reminders that I am not native-born abound when I gather with my colleagues. It’s not just the looks I get when I call a purificator a napkin, or a corporal a placemat. When I hear people talking about attracting the “unchurched”, I realize they are talking about my people, maybe even about me, more than a decade into my life as an Episcopal priest. Becoming “churched” always sounds to me like something that might require being strapped to a torture device.

So how did I get here? I forget sometimes that the answer matters, as I go forward in my own very churchy ministry.

I became a Christian for three reasons: Jesus, people, and the Bible.

Jesus found me, when I definitely was not looking for him.

I experienced people being Christians in the world, and I wanted to be like them.

I read things in the Bible that made meaning of my lived experience, my aspirations, my brokenness and my fears, that invited me into an entirely new life.

The church had little or nothing to do with it. Once I was already a Christian, I looked for people to worship with. I’m grateful to the churches that took me in, baptized and confirmed me, taught me things, cared for me, even inspired me. But it was never about the church.

The default in our ministry is to focus on the church -- making the church welcoming, improving what we do in church, reflecting endlessly on how to do church. I wonder if these are the right questions. Even today, I’m not so sure I want to be churched.