April 7, 2014

To Have and To Hold

On March 29 I got married in front of many friends and family members. It was fun and at times a little nerve wracking but ultimately one of the best days of my life. 

My wife (I still haven’t quite gotten used to calling Denise my wife) and I cobbled together the service out of the marriage liturgy in the Book of Common Prayer and the New Zealand Prayer Book, with a little of the same sex blessing as well. 

We tried to make the liturgy and the day reflect our personalities and values as best we could, without losing the Episcopal tradition (which is especially important to me). It was relatively simple and a lot of fun (and I should give credit to Denise, who thought of just about every last detail). 

Of course, things went slightly wrong. Wine was spilled, a cue or two were missed, we didn’t get to talk to as many people as we would have liked, but the important things happened—we were married and we were supported by people who love us. 

Not only was this an important day in my life, but it also, I think, demonstrates some of what I love about church, liturgy, and community. 

Liturgy, at its best, can be an expression of who we are while connecting us to tradition and community. We didn’t write our own vows or read poetry (except for the song of Solomon). Every word was written by other people. We relied on the prayer and thoughtfulness of people in the Anglican tradition (and our priest who is also a friend from college) to guide us through the day. And yet it was our ceremony, blessed by God and by the community. Many people said it felt like an expression of us as they knew us. 

That day we also created a diverse community of friends and family, as people came together from all over to celebrate and pray with us. A marriage can’t happen without a community. 

I am grateful for the support and love we received, and all the help from friends and family to make the event happen. I am grateful for those who wrote the words that we spoke to each other.
In many respects, our lives are going on much as they did before, but what was already there—the love that binds us, the love of people who have helped us through hard times and good times and made us who we are—was evident in the liturgy, in the church. It was a sacramental day, an outward sign of grace that was already present in our lives. 

In some sense, this is what the church does for and through us regularly, bringing us together, expressing our hope and love through liturgy, changing us from within.