Episcopal Church Foundation Vestry Papers - for leading congregations

When the Twin Towers tumbled down, I held my newborn daughter tightly and prayed that we would work to end the violence, to find a way to connect despite different faiths and cultures.

I suspect Christina-Taylor Green’s mother felt the same way as she cradled her newborn daughter, born on that day of infamy.

Christina’s life was bookended by violence – from birth on Sept. 11, 2001 to death on Jan.8, 2011, slain as she waited to shake hands with her Congresswoman, as one elected official to another.

While Christina’s mother spent the day figuring out burial plans for her third-grade daughter, I spent the day with mine, packing up the ornaments from the Christmas tree, playing tag and snuggling for the end of a movie.

Whether the vitriol in the political arena motivated the shooter or not, it is time for us to step up, share the blame and acknowledge that we must change how we communicate with each other or more mothers will bury their children.

Instead of engaging directly with people who rail against the government on Facebook, I block their messages from appearing on my wall. Instead of confronting family members about forwarded e-mails proclaiming Obama is Muslim, I delete them without comment.

I thought that was the best way to handle the situation – but I realize now that it allowed two conversations to carry on simultaneously without any intersection. I haven’t tried to understand how they feel. Instead, I gather with like-minded folk and self-righteously congratulate our perceived open-mindedness.

I find that we do this in church too. If a congregation doesn’t agree with viewpoints on an issue, people leave. The rhetoric of the Episcopal Church too often mirrors that of the political landscape, with the loudest, most opinionated on the right and left dominating the conversation, and the middle 80 percent putting our hands over our ears and pretending not to hear.

I’m not suggesting we hold forums on homosexuality or the new health care plan in perpetuity. My goodness, I feel like every other workshop since 2003 has dealt in some way with Bishop Gene Robinson.

But I yearn to find common ground – to find a place where we can explore our differences without using analogies about bringing a gun to a knife fight or placing bullseye targets over opponents. I hope this common ground can be found in our churches – but we need to model civility, compromise and cooperation.

I think my generation -- sandwiched between the hippy movement of the 1960s and Reagonomics of the 1980s – has a lot to offer in this type of relationship-building – but we need the boomers to let go of the microphones.