June 27, 2011

Making Room

Why are we so uncomfortable with people who disagree with us? How and when do we learn to ‘shut out’ voices whose opinions are different than our own? And, why are we so sure that we are ‘right?’

These questions are on my mind as I’ve been dealing with my private discomfort with some recent postings on a listserv I frequent. As I struggled with whether or not to post a response, I discovered that people began to voice a variety of opinions – agreeing and disagreeing with some of the original posts - and I was heartened that people felt safe to do so.

At the same time, I received some private emails, indicating that not everyone felt ‘safe’ to enter the conversation.

So, how do we, as congregational leaders, create a safe space for people to disagree?

The Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John offer us, as Bishop Steven Charleston writes in Good News A Congregational Resource for Reconciliation, (Episcopal Divinity School, 2003),

What is amazing about the sacred scriptures of our faith is that they are not a collection of absolute truths delivered to us from God 'on high,' but a sacred memory of how real people struggled to hear what Jesus said and put it into practice. Few other religions would present first and foremost saints as confused, fallible, and argumentative. And yet, in the synoptic gospels, the Apostles are remembered as people who rarely got it ‘right.’ In fact, they often drove their Teacher to ask them, ‘have I been with you so long and you still don’t understand?’“

Charleston reminds us 

Once Jesus had left them, the disagreements only intensified. While we memorialize Saint Peter and Saint Paul as the two leading figures of the ancient church, we also remember a moment in Antioch when they disagreed so strongly that Paul publically challenged Peter’s ability to get it ‘right’. Their debate illustrated a deep division within the earliest Christian community. That division was ultimately settled by a compromise that allowed Paul to continue his work among the Gentiles, but it was only the beginning of early church controversies."

Reading the Gospels, we learn that during his life, Jesus challenged the ‘right’ way of doing things: the right way to pray, the right way to eat, the right way to treat others. When asked what was the most important thing for people to do, Jesus said that they should love one another. Love is not about being right. Love is about being in relationship with each other.

Charleston offers six questions for reflection when members of groups disagree:

  1. What do we do when we disagree about what is ‘right?’
  2. What have we learned from our own history of conflict in the church?
  3. Do we all have to be ‘right’ to be reconciled?
  4. How does the commandment to love speak to our situation?
  5. How do we love one another as Jesus when we disagree?
  6. If we remain together what witness do we make to the world?

How do you handle disagreement in your congregation? What resources have you found helpful in creating a community that makes room for all? And, do you believe it is possible for such space to exist?