Episcopal Church Foundation Vestry Papers - for leading congregations

If you went to church camp, you may remember it fondly – friends, games, singing in chapel and swimming in a pool or lake. Or, like me, your feelings about camp may be mixed. You loved the singing in chapel, enjoyed some of the games, but the first few days were always painful until you adjusted to the other kids in your cabin. There was also the fact that you never had a moment alone except when you were in the bathroom. 

I’ve been reading Susan Cain’s book, Quiet. The book is about how modern society values extroverts and often undervalues introverts. I’m much less shy than I used to be, but still very introverted, and this book is full of revelations. Suddenly the dissonance between who I am and how I should act – socially and professionally – makes a lot more sense.

The book touches on many of the author’s own experiences, including camp, which made me think about my own days at an Episcopal camp in Texas. I have many fond memories of that camp, but it was also exhausting. It was cool to be extroverted and social and friendly, but I was shy and reserved. The camp counselors were always full of energy and seemed to enjoy performing for the kids, and almost every activity was social. In retrospect, I’m pretty sure I wasn’t the only kid who found it exhausting.

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Give them such fulfillment of their mutual affection that they may reach out in love and concern for others. Amen. 

-The Blessing of a Marriage, the Book of Common Prayer

I grew up thinking only nuns could be married to God. Now I think there is no other way to consider our own holy relationship than marriage: a life together of mutual affection, unconditional love, and forgiving, forgiving.

Lent for me is very much about solitude. It is often a period I confront personal struggles only to be reminded of Christ’s own journey in these forty days. I think about Christ in the desert, alone.

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The highly anticipated movie The Hunger Games opens this Friday in theaters across the nation. Based on a series of young adult novels by the same name, this movie reflects on scarcity, individualism, and an ethos of distrust. In this blog post from last summer, Miguel Escobar reflects on what he learned from the young adult series and what he believes it can teach the wider Church.

This summer I read Suzanne Collin’s The Hunger Games, a popular and unnervingly dark young adult novel series. In three books, we read how a violent society pits starving teenagers against one another in the ultimate zero-sum game, a reality show where friends must turn on one another if they are to emerge as the sole survivor. The victor of these annual games wins food and wealth for her/his family.

Scarcity, survival, competition for limited resources - part of my interest in this novel series came from the fact that these themes were already on my mind. Last summer offered me multiple opportunities to reflect on how scarcity can lock us into a white-knuckle struggle to survive, oftentimes at the expense of more imaginative solutions and potential partnerships. 
The first of these moments came when I learned that the stove had broken.

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I have always had an interest in the faith practices of the Amish community, and find certain aspects of the culture surprising and even counter-intuitive. The degree of freedom offered to Amish children—both in decisions surrounding marriage and baptism—may seem unexpected for such a disciplined people. During Rumspringa, teenagers are given two years to live in and among the modern world to determine whether they want to join the church for life. At the end of Rumspringa, some choose to leave the Amish way of life and are not welcome to return again. In some cases, the child is not permitted to call or write any member of the family.

I thought this was harsh, and maybe even un-Christian. Providing the child the choice to leave, but not return! Then, in a recent PBS documentary, I heard this firsthand comment:

“In the Amish community, when a child leaves, his place at the table is always set and no one is ever allowed to sit there. Three times a day, for the rest of his life, the child [far from his family] knows, 'My place is set.'”

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What are you doing after graduation?

Do you remember this question? Did you dread it like I did? I confess that 15 years ago I was one of those college seniors who had no idea what I was going to do with my life after leaving the safe confines of higher education. Not knowing how to begin a job search, I applied to the Peace Corps and took graduate school entrance exams instead. But really there was a deeper question nagging me as I dropped the graduation party invitations in the mail, I was not sure who I was supposed to be.

Often that deeper question goes unasked as we try to encourage young adults in their journey after college. In our slow economy there is increasing pressure to secure one of the few positions out there, and true discernment feels like a luxury. Even for those a few years out of school, finding the way from work to vocation can be a challenge. The church is not often viewed as a resource during this transition from student to adulthood, yet it can be.

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By the end of the baptism, confirmations, and receptions, Martha leans like a book against a shelf.

She has stood this whole time, while 10-day-old David enters into the household of God. Her walker sits in the aisle, and she clutches onto the pew while the bishop confirms Brandon, whose body is nearly 40 and whose mind rests at age seven. She begins to wobble a bit when the bishop lays hands on a couple, high school sweethearts who married, then divorced other people and renewed their love 35 years after the first kiss. 

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It was hard to choose which class to take of the three offered this fall at our Center at St. Andrew’s. Dr. Ann Redding who was defrocked by Bishop Wolff of Rhode Island for becoming a Muslim is offering, “Making Peace with Islam: An Introduction.” Two parishioners with long backgrounds in the field are teaching, “Not If but When: A Class on Emergency Preparedness.” But the one that caught my imagination is “Kids, Parents - Exploring Questions of Faith: A Class for Adults.”

In my role as pastor I am constantly approached by parents about how to talk with their children about religion, spirituality, and belief. It was not a topic that was well covered in seminary and I have had little training in this area except what I have learned on the job. So this fit one concrete need I have and besides it is so nice to take a course at my church rather than teaching one.

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The new youth minister is finally arriving!

I know it can feel like such a relief when the new person is starting after your church has spent months, and in some cases more than a year, searching for the perfect youth director. But before you hand everything over to the new guy or gal, there are a few things you should consider before throwing them to the wolves. And yes, that’s what it’s comparable to if you don’t heed some good advice.

First, the newbie needs support, and a lot of it.

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Does your congregation welcome doubt? What’s being taught about sexuality from the pulpit and in formation classes? Do your youth and young adult groups explore the deeper questions of faith, or do these tend toward superficiality?

While many Episcopal congregations have been addressing these issues for years, new research is showing the extent to which a few key characteristics are linked to young adults staying connected to church - or leaving.

As summarized in the following blog post, the Barna Group has just completed a major study on why young adults who were regular churchgoers during their teen years disconnected from church later on. “The research project was comprised of eight national studies, including interviews with teenagers, young adults, parents, youth pastors, and senior pastors. The study of young adults focused on those who were regular churchgoers during their teen years and explored their reasons for disconnection from church life after age 15.”

These six reasons are described in detail in the blog post as well as in a new book called You Lost Me, so I will simply list them here. The young adults who were interviewed left when churches were perceived as overprotective, offered only a shallow experience of Christianity, were antagonistic to science, were simplistic and judgmental in their views of sexuality, and did not welcome doubt. In addition, these young adults described serious reservations about many of Christianity’s claims to exclusivity.

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Many volunteer youth workers are left with this question when their youth director/minister has been fired or has resigned unexpectedly. This time of transition can be sad, confusing, and frustrating. It’s often a time for grieving. And though every church going through transition needs to discern the issues leading up to the youth minister's departure, it’s not a time for panic. In fact, now is the time to reflect and contemplate. A time to re-evaluate and…breathe.

First, smart churches are honest and transparent churches. Mistakes have probably been made, and now would be a good time to debrief what led up to the youth director’s exit. Have an open and honest conversation between the entire youth ministry leadership team, the clergy, and other church leadership. It’s important to admit when things could’ve been handled differently, rather than simply blaming the departed.

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Some stories we hold close, keeping them in our mental keepsake drawer.

Others we keep in the wings, waiting for the perfect moment: meeting of the daughter’s first boyfriend, revenge when she’s acting like petulant teen.

This story has both elements.  

I’ll share it with you, on this, the feast of the Dormition of Mary – the day that commemorates Mary’s “falling asleep” – her death and rebirth into the kingdom of heaven. It'll be a few more years before our daughter hears the re-telling.

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Episcopalians aren’t the only people God trusts to take the summer off.

At our church, the nursery attendant goes home from college, and the kids join the congregation for the whole service.

During the program year, the nursery is staffed with a friendly undergrad who brings her young charges to the service during the peace. This gives the kids a time with the priest during a brief children’s sermon. They partake in the Eucharist or “God bread” as my children call it. The shorter time period means that most children stay relatively church-behaved – solemn and relatively quiet.

But an entire Rite II service tests the sit-still-ability of even the most sedate child. Goldfish crackers and crayons only satisfy for so long.

Today, a whole retinue of princess dolls lined a pew, with an adorable 2-year-old playing and laughing. In another row, Lego blocks spread across the seat, with a child (truth be told, he was my son) sitting on the kneeler and creating a castle creation. He set aside the Legos to listen to an amazing solo and started clapping until he realized he was the only one. A young toddler wandered the narthex, squealing as he made a break for the communion rail.

It will be nice when the nursery attendant returns, and the kids have a place to run off their energy, to imagine stuffed animals into a flock of friends, to laugh without being shushed. And to be sure, it will be of some comfort to the parents who worry that the noise of their children distracts others from worship.

But I love when we are all together, all ages, gathered for church. And in my opinion, a giggle here and there only makes the worship more sacred, more alive.

Summer is novel reading time. Trapped by the heat, I try to stay as still as possible, book in-hand, under a tree or nestled up to my AC wall unit. Two weeks ago I survived one of New York’s hottest days by reading Jennifer Egan’s A Visit from the Goon Squad.

Oddly enough, I found myself thinking a lot about the Episcopal Church while reading this novel. To me, it’s a book about finding (and losing) one’s self and sense of purpose amidst the astonishing changes of the digital age.

The last chapter, in particular, has led me to think about what sort of role and witness the church might have in the very near future. In it, Egan portrays the world just 15 years down the road, at a point in time in which the social media revolution we’re currently experiencing has permanently changed how we relate to one another.  

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When we picked a theme for our Vacation Bible School this summer we naturally gravitated to Green. Our parish has made ecology a major theme during my five years in charge, so it was only natural that we took our young people down that path this summer with Back to the Garden: Renewing God’s Earth. 

This follows on our Green and Growing Capital Campaign and our City of Seattle-funded effort Taking Green Home. Each of these initiatives has deepened our commitment to being good environmental stewards. It has also given us a great, green brand in the community.

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(All is well…..I have goodness in my heart.)  

Today, I want to share the story of Grace Art Camp, a ministry offered by Grace Memorial Episcopal Church in Portland, Oregon. 

For me, growing up, summer meant camp. Among my earliest memories are glimpses of the day camp my grandmother ran: swimming at the lake, the inside of the main cabin, and pine trees carpeting the ground.  Camp was where I tried new things and first met people who came from different cultural contexts than mine. It prepared me for life at a large state university and shaped my leadership skills. From being a ‘tag-a-long’ at age two until serving as a day camp director in my early 20s, camp was an important part of my life and shaped the adult I have become.

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I am writing from New Orleans where I am chaperoning a youth mission trip through the Beacon of Hope program founded by St. Paul’s, New Orleans. It is my fourth trip to the city to help rebuild after Katrina. Once again this incredible, tragic, brilliant city has captured the hearts of our young people.

There is no place on earth like New Orleans. Its people are more rooted in place than most anywhere else in America. That is yet one more reason this hellish storm that uprooted so many has left such painful scars.

On this trip we have heard the stories of Glenda, Pastor Kornen, and Sheila who each spent years away before returning home. All three are now back, Glenda and Sheila into their familiar neighborhoods and the pastor back to his hand-built church. But six years later their lives are not yet their own.

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Did you sense it? This past weekend marked the end of an era. I admit I didn’t notice at first. But as I sat around the kitchen table with our convent/farm interns last Thursday night, I began to realize that the release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 – the final episode of the seven book story – was a big deal.

Over dinner the interns and I started discussing our weekend plans: watching HP 7 Part 1 again at home on Saturday, then heading to the theatre Sunday evening for the new movie. Shannon, a 22 year old Episcopalian from Minnesota, discussed menu options for Potterfest: butterbeer, pumpkin pasties, and treacle tart. She’s hosted parties for all the previous movie releases, becoming an expert cook of magical food. I took delight in the anticipation and activities they described.

But my interest was piqued in a new way when Shannon began describing this moment as “the end of an era.” She was 10 years old when Harry started at Hogwarts school at age 11. Shannon was 17 when Harry’s quest climaxed at age 18, altering his magical world forever. It altered Shannon’s world as well. This is, literally, the story of a generation.

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One of my earliest memories of church is of the kindergarten room in the basement of Emmanuel Episcopal Church in Wakefield, Mass. It is Epiphany, and there is a large felt board on the wall with figures representing the Magi’s visit to the baby Jesus. Among the felt figures are Mary and Joseph, various shepherds, the three wise men, and of course the baby Jesus. Also represented were a donkey, sheep, camels, and other animals. In the background was the manger, the stable, some palm trees, and the star. 
The characters taking part in this Bible story represent the diversity of our common life. Parents and children. Young shepherds. Older sages from foreign lands. A variety of animals. Each character contributes to the richness of the story; if one were missing, we would feel the void.
Our common life continues to be enriched by the diversity among us. The July/August issue of Vestry Papers explores ways that congregations and dioceses bring people from different generations together in common purpose, creating opportunities for meaningful connection.

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I want to Super 8 the church experience of my youth.

J.J. Abram’s cinematic homage to Stephen Spielberg relishes in nostalgia without overdoing the saccharine. We caught the flick on date night, and it prompted many a tale over dinner about the movies of our youth, E.T., Close Encounters of the Third Kind, and even Star Wars.

So I got to thinking: How would I tell the story of the church of my youth? How could I begin to pay tribute to the ways it shaped me, helped to craft my moral compass, and cement the types of relationships I still seek?

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The nursery renovation began with a 5-year-old.

Our church is nearly 200 years old, and some of the toys in the nursery surely witnessed the first service. We even considered carbon-dating.

But to be honest, our attention was on the adult stuff – updating the bathrooms, re-painting the choir room.

So it was a surprise to learn that our 5-year-old daughter had organized a bake sale to raise money to buy new toys for the nursery. She had made the rounds in coffee hour and had a sign-up list of treats. She made signs -- Bake sale 4 kids – and hung them around the church. She recruited other kids to help, called the adults the week before the sale to remind them, and made cookies with her grandma as her offering.

On the morning of the bake sale, she directed the placement of the tables and arranged the treats for optimal sales potential. If anyone failed to stop by the table, she made a polite inquiry, asking if they’d like to help buy new toys for the kids. I don’t think anyone turned her down.

At the end of the morning, the Sunday crowd of about 80 had donated nearly $500.
We organized a nursery committee, including the 5-year-old, to talk about renovating the nursery. Another couple who had lost a child earmarked the memorial money for the project. As a group, we talked about priorities: Safety, cleanliness and fun.

We pitched most of the toys and old furniture. We decided to use part of the money to hire an artist who painted a magnificent and inviting mural. And we purchased a pager system so parents could be contacted immediately.

And of course, we shopped for toys. Actually, I served as chauffeur and chief bag carrier, while the 5-year-old headed the shopping brigade.

Led by the determination of children to have their place in church, we celebrated the new nursery with cookies and milk.