Episcopal Church Foundation Vestry Papers - for leading congregations

Many congregations invite folks to come to the altar for special prayers in honor of their birthdays. Some expand the invitation to those celebrating wedding anniversaries or to honor the date of their baptism and/or confirmation.

I think it can be a pretty great tradition, especially including the liturgical anniversaries of baptism—an important re-birth-day.

But, as with much of what we do during the service, we should take care not to alienate people during this celebration. We should intentionally invite them in, not push them away.

Here’s a scenario: some congregations encourage people to bring a small offering forward during these birthday prayers. Mine does, in fact. I hadn’t seen this before, but in a way, it makes good theological sense to offer a tangible thanksgiving to God for life. In our church, the priest holds a glass globe in which people drop a few coins or some dollar bills. The offering supports ministry in the community. On the top of the globe is the prayer that the congregation says. That way, if someone doesn’t know the prayer by heart (like me), they have a guide and don’t feel uncomfortable in front of the congregation. Afterward, people shake hands or hug and return to the pews for the liturgy of Holy Eucharist. 

This seems pretty reasonable and relatively welcoming. I know some kids, especially, look forward to the birthday blessing all year. And I know at least one (mine) who uses the time as practice for a comedy routine. Last year (in a loud stage whisper): Why do I have to give money? It’s my birthday! This year, when my husband and I received a blessing for our anniversary and gave a chaste kiss at the end: Oooh. Yuck. 

I heard a story from a friend about a church that she visited recently. A longtime Episcopalian, she went to a different Episcopal church for a kids’ program. The Sunday happened to be nearest to her birthday, so she went forward for the blessing. First, the priest asked her age. Now, I’m fine with saying my age, and so is she (we’re both in our 40s). But I imagine that not every woman (and man, for the matter) is comfortable with announcing their age in front of a crowd, particularly a new crowd. The priest then asked for her money. Literally, he said, “Where’s your money?” 

He might have said this with a smile. I don’t know. I wasn’t there. But my friend wasn’t accustomed to the tradition of bringing money for a birthday blessing so she was empty-handed. His question, joking or not, put her on the spot, made her feel uncomfortable and unwelcome. 

I’m sure that for most people in the congregation, the tradition is just fine. But the experience of this friend reminds me that we should look at our practices with fresh eyes and see if some slight modifications might make them more welcoming. Most importantly we should ask: How does this tradition represent the Body of Christ? And if it doesn’t (or if it alienates someone) then it’s time to reevaluate.