October 19, 2012

Creating Safe Spaces

My heart broke a bit more last night.

I was reading the Episcopal Communicators’ Talk list; one of our members posted a question related to an online article she had seen about the Diocese of South Carolina. Within the hour, other members shared what they knew, including official statements from both the Diocese of South Carolina and The Episcopal Church.

My first thought was to write a blog post about communicating difficult news. I pulled out my resources on crisis communications, started an outline. I woke up early and began my first draft. And then I stopped.

Why?

I recognized that my heart broke because it appeared the gulf between the two parties had grown so wide that both had taken steps that made it appear almost impossible to find a way to build a bridge between them.

What does this have to do with congregational leaders?

We have a responsibility to create safe spaces in our congregations where all voices can be heard. Many of us have experienced meetings where dominant voices drown out – and sometimes belittle - people who put forward a different idea, opinion, or approach. And, while I might sometimes label a person with the dominant voice as a bully, often the dominant voices come from people in positions of power or authority. Unchecked, both can produce the same result: people with a different idea, opinion, or approach may not feel welcome to speak. A recent posting on the ECF Vital Practices’ Facebook page, summed it up this way:

"Managing a discussion is difficult. I believe there are many in our congregations that might have good ideas, but over the years have been beaten down by louder voices. The result is that new ideas are less likely to be considered unless they are proposed by the rector or bishop. We take great care not to offend well healed, long time members - and no so much care not to offend new members."

How are we creating safe spaces that encourage – and support – a diversity of voices?

Mary McGregor, director of leadership development in the Episcopal Diocese of Texas recommends congregational leaders encourage healthy patterns of communication by:

  1. First, recognize that as leaders in Christian community, we are called to teach and model a higher standard of communication. 
  2. Call out unhealthy behaviors when you see it or experience it as a leader in a congregation, taking the time to do so in a caring way. 
  3. Establish a culture of listening and caring through the use of covenants, norms, clear ministry descriptions, and holding people accountable. 
  4. Take the time to learn together how to be a faithful leader, which might include Bible study, prayer, and sharing appreciations and regrets. 
  5. Evaluate your congregation’s health using 12 Marks of Healthy Church Behavior and its related assessment tool.
  6. Recognize and empower healthy spiritual leaders by placing them in positions of authority and influence. 
  7. Practice patience and persistence, allowing time for new behaviors to become the norm.

How have you created safe spaces in your congregation?

Read more from Mary McGregor:

No More Parking Lot Conversations - Vital Practices post

No More Parking Lot Conversations - Vestry Papers article