Vital Posts

Here, Hear the Children

by Richelle Thompson on November 21, 2011

The call came a few hours after the parish meeting.

A young dad, he wanted his priest to know about a situation, in case it escalated. The diocesan transitions officer was meeting with the people of the parish to talk about next steps since their priest had accepted a new call. We didn’t stay for the meeting – to give people space and time to discuss the transition without the priest at the table – so we didn’t hear about the kerfluffle until the call.

This couple started attending the church around Easter. Two weeks ago, the bishop celebrated their reception into The Episcopal Church. Yesterday, they hosted coffee hour, and the wife is heading up the Giving Tree. In short, they are an answer to what every congregation says it wants: young, involved families.

Their son is 2. I could tell you about how he’s an active boy who finds a sound he likes and then repeats it, enjoying the rhythm or the way his lips tickle when he makes his car go "vroom." He sometimes escapes the clutch of his parents, taking off for a lap around the pews. At one moment he acts like he’s lost all bone structure, as his parents try to get him off the floor and moving toward the door. The next moment, when they’ve given in and picked him up, he’s arched back and stiff limbs. 

But every parent reading this blog already knows these things. Because he’s 2. And 2-year-olds don’t act like grown-ups. Nor should they. 

At some point early in the meeting, the senior warden asked if one of the parents could take the son out of the room. He was disturbing others. 

I give thanks to God for the conviction and truth in which the father responded: My son is just as much a part of this church as you. 

Still, the couple packed up, gathered their son and left. I hope they’ll make their way back, but if they don’t, I wouldn’t blame them. 

Perhaps it’s no coincidence that earlier in the day, my 7-year-old son looked at the choir and turned to me, asking, “Why are all the choir members senior citizens?” 

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Comments

1

Cindy Robertson on November 21, 2011 at 12:33 pm

Richelle, I am probably going to get lambasted for my response, and if I am I look forward to learning why, but I don't think the senior warden was out of line asking that the child be removed from the room IF he was disturbing the meeting. Parents of small children seem to have a learned sound/activity filter that allows them to pay attention to something other than an active child that those of us without children (or with children long gone from the home) usually do not have, so the level of activity that disturbs some may not disturb others. That being said, I think that child care should have been provided, as yes, every child is part of our church and should be respected,honored and valued as such. Blessings - Cindy

2

Lynn Apgar on November 21, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Well, I'm right there with you Cindy. I love and enjoy having children at Masses.However I have had experiences with Parents of these children. When the ADULT involved doesn't seem to care how disruptive the child is becoming then I have a problem. It is the parent in that situation I think is wrong. Why would they let their child get so upset? It's not the childs fault but the parents.

3

Richelle Thompson on November 21, 2011 at 6:29 pm

We should definitely be respectful of others and there are times when it's best to take the children out of the situation (worship, meeting or others). But I think we too often expect children to adhere to our same standards of decorum, and we don't take into account their wonderful "kid-ness," which includes noises, babbles and a little banging here and there. I think we're too quick to shuttle off our children to childcare so that we don't have to be bothered by their questions or noise. But then they miss that part of community -- and the community (hopefully) misses what they bring to the table. I know that it's hard to find the balance, but it seems to me that far too often we want young people in the church on our terms -- and we're not willing to compromise or to accept anything else.

4

Rob Huttmeyer on November 22, 2011 at 10:58 am

I wonder if the warden would ask senior citizens to leave because we are tired of having to yell everything. What happens to those who are constanly checking their e-mail, do they get the boot for disturbing others around them? After a while I guess the only person in the room is the warden.

5

Robin Weisbrod on December 2, 2011 at 10:57 am

This is a tough one. What one considers disruptive, another does not. I know 2 is a bit young, but children do need to learn there is a time to play full bore and a time to play quietly. Now, explaining that to a two year old, probably isn't happening. Perhaps, if the Senior Warden had a signal with another member of the Parish, who quietly had gone to the parents and asked if they had a way to quiet the child, or even offered to take the child to another room (with another person), so they could stay and be part of the meeting. I just don't know. But I do know, that announcing to the room that the child was disruptive and needed to be removed was embarrassing to the parents. And that probably was worse than removing the child quietly.

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