Episcopal Church Foundation Vestry Papers - for leading congregations

This lesson doesn’t appear on the bright-colored posters of Robert Fulghum’s “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.” But it should.

Knowing when to hold tightly and when to hold lightly is a hard and critical lesson.   

We face this everyday in our work and personal lives. What projects do we steer with a steely hand, micromanaging even the most minute details? Which ones do we let go lightly into the good night (and day)?

As a parent, I experience this tug-of-war constantly. How firm do I press down on homework? How does that pressure change from elementary to middle and high school? When do I step in when my tween feels lonely? When do I let her fight her own battles, even when her heart (and mine) is breaking? 

This struggle of holding tightly or lightly plays out in the church as well. Let me give an example: our Episcopal Church Women host an annual luncheon in the spring. Combined with basket raffles, silent auctions, and ticket sales, the event generates nearly $10,000. It’s an important fundraiser and yearly gathering. It takes a lot of time and energy to plan. I suspect there are ways to streamline the process and discover some new efficiencies. But overall, this is a project that needs to be held tightly. There are a lot of moving parts, with many volunteers and contributions. And it raises a significant chunk of the ECW’s annual budget. 

On the other hand, next week we’re trying something new. Every other month, the church hosts a spaghetti dinner as a fundraiser for different ministries of the church and community needs. About 150 people normally attend. It generates some income, but it’s also an opportunity for fellowship and community building. We’re adding a new component for the next spaghetti dinner: a Christmas boutique. But we’re holding this lightly. We’ve put the word out to potential vendors—crafters and in-home sales specialists for products like jewelry, handbags, and home accessories. We are inviting the vendors to donate 10 percent of the evening’s revenue to the designated ministry (this month, it’s the choir ministry). We’ll set up the tables; they handle the product sales and delivery. 

So far, the time and effort is about one-thousandth of the energy of the card party. And I’m fighting every obsessive instinct in my body to keep it this way. Holding lightly to some things is a discipline. It allows the space for things to grow and thrive organically or to flop without huge investment. 

What things can you hold more lightly? Which things need a tighter grip? 

Once you’ve figured the magic ratio, let me know. I’ll add it to the poster.