Episcopal Church Foundation Vestry Papers - for leading congregations

In Christian circles, we hear a lot about saying yes. We open ourselves up to Jesus, saying yes to his call for our life. We should be open to the Holy Spirit, ready to respond as it moves in and through us. Yes, to attending worship. Yes, to the stewardship committee. Yes, to the pancake supper.

But no isn’t always a naughty word. There is a spiritual discipline is saying no to some things so that you can yes to others.

My personal tendency is to say yes. I want to find ways to accommodate requests, to help people tell their stories. But every time I say yes to a submission, a book, a project, it means that there are other stories and projects to which I must say no. There’s only so much time and workers, much less money.

Churches face the same challenges. We hear over coffee hour that somebody would like a Saturday night service. Someone else prefers Sunday afternoons. A third person would live a 2 pm offering. And what about a program on the saints? On the rosary? On the life of Paul? On the last words of Jesus? 

We have to make choices. We have to be able to say no so we can say yes. 

I have tried different tactics for saying no.  

“This is not a good fit for us right now.” 
“Your gifts are better suited for another project.” 
“This is a good start but you need to develop the story a bit more.” 

Every time, I feel badly. I know these stories pitched to me are like fragile newborns, nurtured from dream to idea to possibility. Saying no stings. Hearing it sucks. 

Nevertheless saying yes to everything isn’t always the pastoral response. 

I wonder how we move between our replies of yes and no. Are we prayerful? Thoughtful? Fair? Kind? 

Church leaders should ask, “Are we saying no enough?” And importantly, “Are we saying no so that we can say yes to something else?”