May 26, 2011

Listening Across Difference

I’m always surprised.

I’m referring to the discussion that takes place at my monthly book club meeting. Each month our group of 12 selects and reads a book, then meets to discuss it. And, each time, I am surprised both by the different ways people understand and interpret the text, and by how our experience of the book relates to our lives today.

This regular experience of ‘listening across difference’ keeps me mindful that there is more than one ‘right’ way to interpret not only the books that I read, but also almost every aspect of life, including our common life as people of faith.

This month, my book club met the week President Obama visited his ancestral home in Ireland and PBS aired its “Freedom Riders” series. We were discussing “Blindspot” by Jane Kamensky and Jill Lepore. Set in 1764 Boston, one of the main themes is the contrast between the Colonists’ struggle to free themselves from tyranny while as the same time ignoring the African slave trade in which they were, directly or indirectly, complicit.

As often happens, our discussion moved beyond the book; this time to questions related to race and class in America. While I wasn’t surprised to learn of a general ignorance of the North’s active participation in the slave trade, I was fascinated by our discussion of President Obama’s biracial heritage, our experience of the emphasis being placed on his Irish roots, and the changes we had seen in our lifetimes as they related to race in America.

Two of our members shared the very different ways their extended families handled the marriage of a family member to a person of another race. Another talked about her father’s experience as a Freedom Rider.

In past gatherings, our conversations have covered religious beliefs and politics, as well as sharing our personal stories - both the happy and the unhappy. Without being intentional about it, we’ve created a safe space where each of us feels free to share our thoughts and opinions. By doing so, we’ve given ourselves the gift of being able to listen across our differences and opening ourselves to personal growth.

Here are some of the behaviors we practice in my book club:

  1. We listen respectfully and sincerely try to understand the other person's point of view.
  2. We take turns speaking and try not to interrupt each other.
  3. We recognize that, even if we do not agree with it, each of us is entitled to our own perspective.
  4. We speak up if we feel uncomfortable with the conversation.
  5. We ask questions for the purposes of gaining clarity and understanding and refrain from attacking or engaging in put-downs.

How have you created safe spaces in your congregation for listening across difference? I invite you to share resources you've found helpful with other congregational leaders in the Your Turn section of this site.