Episcopal Church Foundation Vestry Papers - for leading congregations

It’s morning in the office, and my instinct is to head straight to my desk, fire up the computer, scroll through email, and wrap my brain around the day’s agenda.

But others think I'm rude. They like to start with friendly chatter, checking in, getting coffee, warming up to the day with conversation.

Neither way is “right.” They are just two styles of communication. But knowing that—and finding ways to bridge the disconnect—is key to healthier staffs (and churches!).

At a conference last week, Denise Trevino of the Diocese of Texas led a workshop on communication styles. I’ve attended a lot of these kinds of things, so I expected it to be more of the same. I was surprised.

She expounds on a concept developed by Edward T. Hall, an American anthropologist. The idea is that people communicate and deal with conflict on a spectrum of low to high context. Low context folks are direct, focused on action and solution, and adaptable to change. High context people prioritize relationships and storytelling.

There’s a lot more to it, but the bottom line is that it’s sometimes hard for low and high context people to find common ground. Take the situation of my morning routine. For me and my low-context self, I like to start the day with a focus on the work ahead. After thirty or forty minutes, I tend to be more social. High context people may think I’m standoffish. Or that I don’t care. Or I’m rude. On the other hand, I stew: why don’t they want to get started on the day’s work?

Generally we can’t change our natural instincts and communication styles. But we can recognize them and we can work on developing adaptive behaviors. I’ve become more deliberate about greeting people in the morning. I typically don’t engage in long conversations, but I make the rounds to say good morning. 

Another example of the difference between low and high context people is the content of our emails. Low context folks tend to get straight to the point. High context people, with their focus on relationship, begin and end with niceties: how are you, hope you’re well, etc. An adaptive behavior for me is to write an email, then go back and add a gentler introduction. An adjustment for high context may be to limit some of the niceties and add clarity and focus.

This communication concept has significant implications for churches. According to Trevino (and my experience bears this out), most clergy are high context folks. (And honestly, we probably want them to be. Clergy who aren’t relationship-focused are often criticized for not being pastoral enough). But here’s the rub: most vestry members tend to be low context. (Again, that makes sense. Congregations tend to elect folks who are leaders in lots of areas of their lives, people who “get things done). Having both high and low context people serving together is important because it provides a more fulsome picture of the Body of Christ. But if we’re not aware of the differences and possible conflicts, then we will spend all of our time misunderstanding each other, developing grudges and frustrations, and none of our time celebrating the different gifts we bring and how they help us to live into God’s call.  

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