January 21, 2015

Public Displays of Affection

Priests should practice PDA.

Before someone files a complaint, let me explain. First, I mean married priests. And second, I mean chaste and sweet PDA. Holding hands at an open house, an arm around the waist or shoulder, a peck on the check or a smooch goodbye. None of the sloppy, get-a-room PDA of frat houses or high school highways. But rather public displays of affection that signal deeply rooted affection and love for the significant other.

Why do I think this is a vital practice?

For good or bad, whether right or wrong, priests are often seen as role models. If the priest displays physical affection with his or her spouse, then perhaps parishioners will follow suit. How many Cosmo quizzes recommend holding hands and other forms of (chaste, public) physical contact as a way to reinforce and strengthen the bonds between married couples? The short answer is a lot, just in case you haven’t read Cosmo or Buzzfeed or any other “Ten Ways to Keep Your Marriage Alive” articles.

If the priest and spouse hold hands at a wine tasting or exchange a quick kiss during the announcements/birthday/anniversary time of the service, then others might be encouraged to display some affection too. Sometimes this affection reflects the wellbeing of an already healthy marriage. In other cases, the PDA could strengthen a rocky relationship, or at least be a step in the right direction.

Another bonus to the PDA: it’s a clear sign that the priest is taken. Priest-crushes happen a lot, even if we don't talk about it. A parishioner suffering from depression or loss talks to the priest, who is a patient and attentive listener. A member of the congregation is having trouble in a marriage or with a teen and talks with the priest about how to respond. A person feels lost spiritually and needs some direction and encouragement. We don’t need Freud to understand the concept of transference—that is redirecting emotions to a substitute. There’s no absolute way to stop these misdirected feelings, but it does help if it’s clear that the priest is in a happy, healthy relationship.

There are lots of caveats to this PDA proposal. Sometimes people deceive, and what you see is not reality. Sometimes the loving couple who hold hands and seem endearingly in love are battling it out behind closed doors. Sometimes they are overcompensating or putting on a show. My proposition of priest/spouse PDA won’t solve those problems.

But if you’re a priest or the spouse in a healthy, solid marriage, then don’t be afraid to show it. Your example can make a difference.

Just be forewarned, if your priest spouse gives you a peck during an anniversary blessing, your 10-year-old may make a gross-out face and even emit an "ewww, yuck" that will be heard over the sound system. Don't let that stop you. It didn't us.

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