Episcopal Church Foundation Vital Practices

When the Outside Doesn’t Match the Inside

by Richelle Thompson on May 9, 2011

A 22-year-old woman visited our church for the first time last Sunday. We talked for a bit, and then I shared that in addition to my husband and me, the congregation has several other young couples.

Later, I realized: she must have thought I was crazy. I still think of myself as young, but this week, I’ll be 39 (for the first time), actually old enough to be this woman’s mother.

I have two kids and a mortgage, but in my mind, I’m about 30ish, with some responsibilities but without the stodginess I always associated with getting older. I just don’t think of myself on the cusp of middle age.

I have the same experience when I pass a full-length mirror or an especially clean storefront window. How I imagine myself doesn’t match with my actual appearance – a fact I’m all too pressed to acknowledge when I see myself in pictures.

I wonder if congregations have this same collective problem. They imagine themselves one way, perhaps as being a welcoming church or a group open to change, when the reality might be much different.

In strategic planning, consultants often ask clients to engage in a SWOT exercise, naming their strengths, weakness, opportunities, and threats. I wonder if congregations should take some time to consider these four areas – perhaps during the downtime this summer.

After an honest assessment, the key then is for the congregation to figure out which aspects can and should be changed and which might defy the laws of nature – or the defining characteristics of the group.

I can’t get any younger, but I can address other concerns so I won’t avert my eyes at every mirror.

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