Episcopal Church Foundation Vestry Papers - for leading congregations

Through the lens of a contentious soccer match, priest and referee Scott Petersen coaches us in the art of conflict management, whether on the field or in the pew. He defines five essential steps leaders can take in response to conflict that are designed to direct participants towards a healthier approach to resolution.

In this article, Bonnie Anderson explores ways for the laity to exercise personal authority when conflicts emerge within a church. She unpacks the promises made at baptism and how they can guide us to speak the truth with courage and love even in the most challenging times. She offers tips for both clergy and laity to establish a behavioral covenant that allows all to feel respected and safe.

Rather than offering answers, priest Greg Syler invites us into a conversation about respect, consensus, and upholding one another’s dignity in a church system. He shares a parish policy to preserve strict confidentiality about sensitive information and then challenges us to use it as a model for considering our own patterns of conversation and communication, whatever our roles.

Profoundly disturbed by modern “cancel culture” and what she terms “the crisis of irredeemability,” priest and ECF fellow Cate Anthony tackles difficult questions about the way we harden our hearts against those with whom we disagree. She muses about the Church as a counter-cultural beacon of hope, and asks how we might call one another home, rather than casting each other out, inviting us to reckon with the miracle of our own redemption.

Nancy Davidge, former associate program director at ECF and former editor of ECF Vital Practices, reflects on four steps to follow when we face differences of opinion about where we are headed. The process, which starts with generosity and listening, equally applies to personal, professional, and congregational relationships. Better yet, it’s all about how we frame the conversation—no special materials required, just a commitment to opening our hearts and imagining a new way forward.

Kay Collier McLaughlin writes about the birth of the Holy Conversation, a model for listening to one another’s deepest differences and concerns. Holy Conversations can guide congregations through transition, conflict, and loss, helping people acknowledge their fears and hurts and ultimately allowing healing to begin.

Sometimes change and conflict points to a needed change in leadership. In her article, Luisa Bonillas reflects on her decision to step away from congregation leadership during a period of change. "Sometimes you need to move out of the way to let others lead."

This webinar weaves together themes of covenant and conversation. Pairing a theological perspective with practical advice, its goal is to help vestries and other church leaders develop behavioral norms to guide tough discussions. Watch it in preparation for opening a conversation in your own setting.

In a world marked by unprecedented divisions, at a time when outrage goes viral but deeply nuanced reflection does not, hope may seem hard to come by. This case study explores what it takes to engage in difficult conversations viewed through the lens of faith. If you struggle to understand people with competing viewpoints, if your community encompasses divergent political and social interests—or if it doesn’t but you wish it did—this is a great place to start.

Nancy Davidge reminds us to be deliberate about incorporating new members into church leadership each year. Follow the steps outlined in this article to start the conversation in your own vestry. What might you need to consider? How might you broach the topic at your next meeting?

Not yet ready to develop an entire set of norms? Need a quick and easy list of goals to guide your group? Spend a few minutes reading about Richelle Thompson’s experience at the dentist and what it can teach you about running effective meetings. Then ask your group: What ground rules do we need? What would go into our own covenant of courtesy?

Is your congregation paralyzed by conflict, anger, grief, or fear? Do you need a formal way to begin the healing process and start living into your shared ministry? If so, check out this Holy Eucharist and Healing service, developed by the Episcopal Diocese of Lexington’s Advanced Diocesan Leadership Team in consultation with the Bishop and the Diocesan Chair of the Commission on Liturgy and Music. As is or tailored to your community, spoken or with music, the liturgy offers a way forward when times have been tough.