Caring for Grieving Community Members

The rituals of the church are essential ways that we, as people of faith, mark the joys and losses of our lives: births and baptisms, professions of faith, marriage, illnesses, and death. But as a church community, we can move beyond the prayer book into more profound expressions of faith that let us all learn to care for those who are grieving. In this toolkit, we have gathered ways for churches to approach pastoral care. Need more ideas? You can find other resources under the topic of pastoral care on the Vital Practices website.

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Explore: We Are Not Alone
  • Prayer Fatigue and the Search for Hope by Tim Schenck

    This article acknowledges the spiritual and emotional weight of the modern news cycle while reminding us of the power of prayer: weeping with those who weep, mourning with those who mourn, and remembering that Jesus is with us at every step.

  • In Christ the Bottom Holds by Bob Leopold

    This Holy Week reflection assures us that even in the darkest moments and the shadow places of our lives, we will find Christ and through him, hope. No matter where or when we end up at rock bottom, God is with us there.

  • A Spirituality that Embraces our Whole Heart - Joy and Rage Alike by The Rev. Elizabeth Riley and The Rev. Callie Swanlund (60 minute video)

    Often, spirituality is misused to suppress genuine emotions, hindering our ability to support those in need. This discussion explores a spirituality that embraces the whole heart – joy and rage alike – equipping us to support those grieving in our communities with compassion and justice.

Plan: Making Deep Connections
  • Going a Little Deeper into Community Life by Lisa G. Fischbeck

    You might not think of a dinner club as part of pastoral care, but with a little forethought, it can be just that: a chance to deepen relationships and expand the circle of people with whom you can be vulnerable so that in times of need those connections are already in place.

  • Make the spirit of Christmas last year round by Richelle Thompson

    Here’s an idea for some informal pastoral care, using the Christmas cards that people have sent as both a prayer prompt and an opportunity for connection throughout the year.

  • Every Member Is a Minister by Greg Syler

    Pastoral care—loosely defined as “people visiting people”—depends not just on ordained clergy but also on members of the laity. This article outlines two important considerations for putting together an effective pastoral care team.

  • The Best Gift—A Visit by Annette Buchanan

    Ready to take your pastoral care team to another level? Check out these four best practices for setting up an effective system to track visits and share information, ensuring that no one is overlooked.

Respond: Recognizing the loss
  • #SocialMediaSunday, Tragedy, and Real Community by Alan Bentrup

    This essay challenges the assumption that online connections are somehow not valid, asking us to think about how churches might use social media to build community and share God’s hope to a world in desperate need.

  • A Celebration of Life to Prepare for Death by Lisa G. Fischbeck

    This article suggests that churches take the opportunity to help the terminally ill and their loved ones prepare for death by blessing the process of dying—gathering for prayers, remembrances, and sharing before the end.

  • A Process for Dying by Annette Buchanan

    If your church doesn’t yet have one, consider creating a planning resource that families can use to begin thinking about their loved one’s funeral. Here are ten things you might want to include to make planning easier.

  • Blue Christmas by C. Eric Funston

    Pastoral care doesn’t end after a funeral: We also need to acknowledge people’s losses at seasons of celebration. A Blue Christmas service is just one way of doing that and provides a model that you might craft for use at other times of the year.

  • Pastoral Messages in Tragic Times by Sandy Webb

    Fr. Sandy wrote the following letter in response to the accidental death of a college student in his congregation. It's message may resonate with those facing the challenging task of communicating with their congregations in times of tragedy.