Episcopal Church Foundation Vestry Papers - for leading congregations

Previous posts in this series:

• Undercover Rector
• Episode II, Undercover Rector: LOL

Coffee hour can be a lonely place.

In this episode of Undercover Rector, the priest is disguised as a visitor. The greeters, having watched previous episodes of Undercover Rector, have graciously invited the visitor to coffee hour. The worship was vibrant and engaging, with a warm welcome during the announcements.   

This disguised rector is excited to spend time at coffee hour getting to know the people of the church. After grabbing a danish and coffee, the visitor looks for conversation.

A group of women stand in a tight circle, chatting animatedly about their week. Another couple lean in, apparently exchanging federal secrets by their hushed whispers and furtive glances.
Kids chase each other around the tables and fire off an occasional scream.

The visitor waits for a bit. Sure, a couple of people smile warmly. One person even says, “I’m glad you visited us today.”

But no one engages the visitor. After 5-10 excruciating minutes, the visitor leaves, certain to never return.

It’s not easy talking with strangers. Some have the gift of gab, but for most people, striking up a conversation is hard and nervous work. But imagine yourself as the lonely visitor, on the outside looking in, wanting to be included, wanting to be a part of the community. Imagine the guts it took to visit a new church, to be in a place where the bells and smells are all unfamiliar. If that person could summon the courage to visit, then surely we can set aside our vague discomfort at talking with a stranger. 

Still don’t know if you can do it? Here are three basic conversation starters: 

1. Tell me about yourself. Are you new to the area? Where do you live? Do you have family nearby? 

2. Do you have any questions about the service? Was this your first time to an Episcopal church? Is there anything I can explain? 

3. Let me tell you more about the church (Note: This should not be a history lesson but a Cliff Notes version of the ministries of the congregation. Be sure to invite the visitor to participate in an upcoming event.) 

I’m anxious to hear from you. What are other good conversation starters? And in what ways does your congregation make a concerted effort to welcome visitors during coffee hour?