Episcopal Church Foundation Vestry Papers - for leading congregations

Elizabeth Kaeton has a proposal for the Church for Fathers Day: “I think we should use the day to begin a movement to give up 'Father' as an honorific title for male clergy.”

Growing up in the Episcopal Church in New England in the 50s, 60s, and 70s, we called the rector of our parish ‘Mr. Thorp’ or ‘Reverend Thorp.’ He was our minister: If you had a priest, or used the term ‘Father,’ it signaled that you worshipped at the Catholic Church. This was before women could be ordained in the Episcopal Church; after 1974, I used the same formula when referring to a female priest – Mrs. or Ms. last name or, the Reverend.

Like Elizabeth, in recent years I’ve become aware of the frequent use of the terms ‘father,’ ‘mother,’ and ‘priest’ when referencing Episcopal clergy. And, I’ll admit while I’m getting used to priest as a substitute for minister, using the terms ‘father’ and ‘mother’ for clergy kind of creeps me out. The idea of our clergy acting in loco parentis and the resulting parent/child relationship behavior pattern seems unhealthy to me.

I believe a healthy relationship between a clergy person and a lay person is one of equality and mutual respect. I like the idea of relating to other adults as adults, and reserving parent/child imagery to our immediate families.

So, I’m on board with Elizabeth to give up not only ‘Father’ but also ‘Mother’ as honorific titles for our Episcopal clergy.

I encourage you to read Elizabeth’s blog “Giving up ‘Father’” and let me know what you think. Given the popularity of these terms, I’m especially interested in hearing from people who prefer them. Why do you like them and what do they signify to you? And, for those who don’t like them, I invite you to share your thoughts as well.