Episcopal Church Foundation Vestry Papers - for leading congregations

A month into our move the shininess has worn off, and we’re beginning to call this home – and the other place, “where we used to live.”

Now comes the hard part of making friends and building community.

Last week our church held an ECW event, which attracted 30-plus participants. For our reflection, we talked about the importance of our women friendships, how to nurture and cherish them. I spent a little of the time wistful.

Even when a move, like this one, is good on so many levels, there is still loss. I’m in the midst of experiencing which friendships can bridge the chasm of distance – and which ones cannot. 

After the reflection, one of the participants came up and started talking to me. She moved a lot with her family, following her husband’s job around the country. She understood the difficulty of making new friends and saying goodbye to others, willingly or not. In fact, she said, this time, for this move, she just hasn’t made the effort. It’s hard to put yourself on the line, to be vulnerable time and again. 

We talked some more. I suspect she’s at least 30 years older, with a lifetime more experiences. But right now, at this moment, we’re sharing the same feeling. We’re both a little lonely.

So I laid down the gauntlet: How about this week we both do something deliberate to make a connection – and perhaps a new friend? I’ll call you at the end of the week to compare what we’ve done. 

She was a little startled but eventually agreed. Somehow, even though we would be on our own during the week, there was comfort in knowing we would take the emotional risk together. 

Accountability. In community. It doesn’t eliminate the pain of difficult times but it’s a pretty good salve. 

So excuse me. I need to go make a call.