Episcopal Church Foundation Vestry Papers - for leading congregations

Birthdays in the age of Facebook are fun. 

People from all different parts of your life chime in and send good wishes. It’s a virtual “This is your life” episode.

Meandering down memory lane is lovely, but this year I decided to try something more. I responded to every message in some way. Some received an earnest “Thanks!” A few got the thumbs-up like. But for most replies, I added a note or two to my thanks.

“Can’t believe how long it’s been since we were in youth group together. We need a reunion!”
“Congrats on your award! Well-deserved!”
“Saw that you were in town. Let’s get together.”
“Love seeing pictures of your cute family.”
“Thank you for being a role model for me.”

More than 200 people took the time to send birthday greetings. And I had the opportunity to reach back out to them, to remember where our lives intersected, to hope they might again, and to acknowledge the piece, big or small, that they played in shaping my life.

The experiment kept me busy! But it also transformed the day in an interesting way. The birthday wasn’t all about me. (Sure, it was some. I did enjoy the requisite singing, opening presents, and sharing dinner with my family!) But it became more about relationship, a way not only to receive these well wishes but also to give some back.

Several years ago, my former diocese hosted General Convention. In the weeds of the planning, a few of us adopted a mantra to keep us sane and focused: “It’s not about me.” We even made pins to wear during the convention. It helped keep us rooted. 

The same mantra might be helpful in our churches. It’s easy to get focused on what we are doing, what we are getting out of the experience, how we’re enjoying (or not) our participation. But if we can step back and remember, “It’s not about me,” then our perspective changes. We can remember that relationships—with our loved ones, with friends past and present, with our neighbors, and with God—trump just about everything else. 

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