Episcopal Church Foundation Vestry Papers - for leading congregations

I’ve heard of a boy named Sue but never a person named “we.”

In meeting after meeting, I’ll hear (and sometimes say), “We will take care of it.” Or “We should do something about that.” Or even, “We think there’s a problem.”

In a leadership seminar a few weeks ago, the speaker talked about how people (especially women) often use the collective “we” when they should be using the singular pronoun “I.”

There’s no one named “we” in the room, she said.

That has stuck with me as I hear time and again someone promise: “We’ll work on that.”

On the one hand, using we can create the idea of shared ownership – a sense that we accomplished something together. I’m cool with that.

But at the same time, we also introduces a dodge – no one person is responsible, there’s no owner of a project or event, no one to step up and take responsibility to make sure things get done. 

I understand the inclination to use we. In reports about my work, I often use we to describe accomplishments. It somehow feels too braggadocious to keep repeating “I.” 

And in relationships, I sometimes soft-pedal my requests. For instance, when I say to my husband, “We need to mow the grass,” what I really mean is that he needs to head outside before a small child gets lost in the backyard. 

I suspect this happens in church meetings all the time. Conversation about starting a columbarium ends with “we’ll get started on that.” A decision about how to decorate for a fundraiser is postponed by a “we’ll think about it.” 

Ministry is a team sport, and people of all ages and stations should be involved in the process. But it’s also important to leave meetings with a clear sense of ownership. Who will make sure the church sign is changed for the bishop’s visitation? Who is going to arrange meals for the bereaved family? Who is going to organize the church directory? 

I think if people can be specific about naming who has specific duties and responsibilities but general about working together as a team, then our efforts will be more fruitful. And WE will be better off.