Episcopal Church Foundation Vestry Papers - for leading congregations

Sometimes it’s hard to be nice. 

We’re at the tail-end of our first landlord experience, having leased our old house after we moved 18 months ago. Despite our cajoling, forgiving, pleading, and insisting, the payments were never on time and stopped completely a few months ago. We have a court date for the eviction in a week. 

As we’ve shared the story, the responses have been interesting: I guess you learned your lesson. It doesn’t pay to be nice. It’s good to be Christian, but sometimes in business, you have to set aside your compassion and be tough. 

In hindsight, we would do a lot of things differently. But after spending some time beating myself up for giving the tenants some slack when their lives were in turmoil, I’ve decided I wouldn’t change that part. 

I don’t want to cordon off my faith from the messy aspects of life. That’s when I need it the most. Should we have given an extra two weeks when his wife left him? Not according to the lawyer. But it just seemed like the right thing to do, even though in the end, we’re the ones left holding the bills. 

Stewardship of our personal finances is important, and as a mom and wife, I have an obligation to safeguard and provide for my family. And it’s completely fair and just that there are consequences for their lack of accountability and responsibility. 

But I refuse to let their bad behavior make me question our good-faith actions. 

I see this scenario playing out in other ways too. A vestry invites conversation about a new program, and people spend their time trashing it. And it’s easy to imagine the vestry members thinking, “That’s what we get for asking everybody’s opinion. Next time, we’ll just decide and announce it.”   

A church calls a priest who strings them along, finally saying no but the time lapse means the other viable candidates have moved on. A diocese adopts a voluntary giving model instead of assessments, and some churches opt out.   

We must take care not to let bad behavior become contagious. That doesn’t mean letting ourselves be pushed around or treated poorly, but we can’t let the bad behavior of others dictate our faithful response.   

We can, however, make some changes. Like not ever being a landlord again.