March 28, 2012

Caretaking

Today the house inspector comes. If all goes well, we’re on the path to be first-time homeowners. After fifteen years in a rental apartment in New York City, two years as “resident companions” with a monastic community, and one year living as caretakers on a farm, we’re ready for this change.

But in the excitement of this moment, I’ve also experienced deep moments of humility. The irony is I’m more aware than ever that we don’t really “own” anything.

I’m glad that we’ll be able to make our own decisions about a property – when and how to upgrade, expand, or redesign. And of course friends have warned me about the headaches – the responsibility and expense required to deal with problems. These are the joys and struggles of “homeownership.”

Yet I’m finding the concept of “caretaking,” or “stewardship” as we say in the church, even more powerful now. As I dream about the home where we might live, I am deeply grateful. I didn’t create that beautiful spot of land or build the solid little house. I didn’t plant the apple trees and raspberry bushes. I didn’t build up good soil in the garden. That was the work of God and the other “owners” before us. It is a gift to be received. Even though we’ll hand over a check and take on financial debt to buy a house, I know that in the end we are just the next stewards, not the true owners.

Over more than a decade working professionally within the Episcopal Church to help people learn and practice stewardship, I’m realizing just how much it has shaped my own values and ideas. I’ve internalized the theology; now it’s becoming incarnate. I hope I remember in the years ahead, especially in hard times, that this little house – like all our churches, homes, and communities – is a gift from God. I pray I will care for it well.