September 9, 2013
Noticing Without Judgement
This past week I participated in a meeting of my church’s Leadership Table, which is basically our vestry. St. Lydia’s is a young church, and so this is only our fifth or six meeting since we officially adopted a new governance system. I always enjoy these meetings.
A part of the reason that our meetings are enjoyable and soul-feeding is because we are a young organization, with a small budget and no property to manage (though we are working on changing that to some extent). We all became members because we were interested in the future of the church, and there isn’t much conflict at this point in the lifecycle of our community.
But more importantly, I enjoy these meetings because I love the other people in the meeting. There’s also a sense of trust that while we may not always agree, we are all being as honest and open as we can be, and seeking what is best for the community. We offer praise and raise doubts and concerns and ask questions.
One of the questions we consider at every meeting is “What did you notice?” I like this question because it lacks judgment. It doesn’t presuppose anything. Asking, “What problems did you see?”, for example, assumes there are problems. This question, “What did you notice?”, allows us to examine our observations feelings, both negative and positive, without forcing us to draw conclusions or express them as problems to be fixed or items to be acted upon.
As the community grows and the leadership changes, we will inevitably be forced to grapple with conflict. I hope that we can continue to notice and observe our own reactions and those of others with openness and honesty, even when they are negative or where we disagree, and still love and trust each other in the midst of it. I wish the same for the leadership of every church.
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