December 22, 2010

Crisis of Church

I am having a crisis of Church. No, not a crisis of faith. My faith is strong and for that I am thankful. However, I am taking some time off from church. Not my parish, not the Episcopal Church, but THE Church.

You see, I believe The Church is in a crisis, too, and I need some time off to reflect on that, and on my own role in bringing it on. I am afraid we have lost sight of our mission. I worry that Jesus would not find our churches pleasing, although I believe he would appreciate our good intentions.

In recent months, I have heard Christians denigrate the poor as lazy or undeserving, while clamoring for tax cuts for themselves. I actually know a few people who claim to be Christian, but support the group praying for the death of the President of the United States. Christians torment grieving parents of dead soldiers. Christian “leaders” stir up all sorts of hatred against anyone who believes differently or lives differently. Christians fight over “their own” property.

We build our church mansions within shouting distance of the poorest people in our communities. We build new education buildings because we are “bursting at the seams,” but mostly ignore the near-by children who are falling behind in school because of poverty, abuse, and poor parenting.

We expand our churches, spending millions of dollars, but build them more like fortresses than welcoming houses of God. We all want our own gyms, our own educational facilities, our own sanctuaries, even when, with a little flexibility and creativity, I believe we could share those spaces among several different churches. So many church buildings now are parts of large complexes, so visitors need a guide to get around.

We make rules about who is “in” and who is “out” of God’s church. In some churches, you actually have to be voted into membership.

Tears stream down my face as I write this. I am truly in agony. I have no interest in other people’s sex lives or marriages or of any sort of exclusivity. I fret that our children and grandchildren will be saddled with magnificent buildings, but will have to struggle with whether to maintain their buildings or carry out their missions, much like the great old churches of Europe, which sell tour tickets to pay the power bills.

I love worship and am inspired by beautiful churches, but right now, attending services adds to my conflict. Never I have dealt with a personal dilemma so powerful and so huge. I feel a tremendous clash between being judgmental and listening to that still small voice in my own heart.

Please pray for me, and the rest of us who are wandering in the wilderness. Please help us see the bright light of the birth of the Christ Child. Please pray that we will once again find the hope and joy of being a part of a loving community, united in the service of God. Or, that we will find some other way.