Episcopal Church Foundation Vestry Papers - for leading congregations

Having an argument in public is always a little embarrassing. Whether it’s disagreeing with your girlfriend about something while at dinner with friends or it’s a public disagreement within your church, you’d rather these things happen in private. Division is unseemly, embarrassing. We’re all supposed to be nice to one another all the time, right?

Except of course Jesus doesn’t seem to think so. “Do you think I have come to bring peace to the earth?” he asks. “No, I tell you, but rather division!” I have always found these words of Jesus baffling and more than a little unsettling, but hearing them again on Sunday was a reminder of a lesson I’ve been learning lately: conflict is inevitable, and it is necessary for growth.

Growth requires change, and change almost always makes a few people angry.

In her sermon on Sunday at Trinity Church (I’m visiting friends in Houston this weekend), the Rev. Hannah Atkins used the examples of abolitionist Sojourner Truth. There was certainly conflict between her and other Christians who supported slavery.

We’re not always going to agree about what change should look like or what the right thing is to do. There’s no way around this and to avoid change for the sake of harmony is wrong.

I’ve never been particularly good at dealing with conflict, and I have a bad habit of avoiding even mildly uncomfortable conversations, so I don’t have much advice to give about how to deal with conflict except this: don’t be embarrassed by it. Don’t pretend it’s not there or feel like you should be ashamed of conflict. Seek advice without shame. Face it, as directly as possible, with as much love in your heart as you can muster.

Following Jesus brings division, because Jesus is calling us to love the poor and oppressed, to give up our idols and to change our lives. If that doesn’t cause a little conflict, then you’re probably not doing it right.