Episcopal Church Foundation Vestry Papers - for leading congregations

Part 4 of 4. (Read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3)

Maybe this blog should have been the first, but as we close this series, I must remind you that there is no such thing as solo leadership. You can't lead without followers, you can’t lead well without other leaders, and you are often called to follow different leaders. The decision to lead from the side is a decision to engage with other leaders in your congregation.

At the Howell family reunion my sister Marion started a back massage line with her nephew Brendan. Each person rubbed the back of the person in front of them, and had their own back rubbed by the person behind. While we recognized Marion and Brendan as leaders, we sometimes forget that success came because others followed their lead. Those who joined the line were followers of the first back scratchers, but were leaders of all those who had not yet joined.

Being a leader from the side includes following good leaders. If someone in your congregation has a creative proposal, show your leadership by following. Show your following skills by joining the team, seeking out useful resources, sharing in the work, exploring frustrations, and advising. Be sure to tell your fellow leaders, and others, what a good idea it is. But be careful! You model the best leadership by following without taking over.

In order to keep from taking over you must talk with, engage with, cooperate with, coordinate with, and even, as much as you can, support the formal leadership. Listen closely for their vision, commiserate with their struggles, encourage their best strategies and share constructive critique (only when asked!) Listen for their values.

Whether or not you agree with their values you must love them and try to understand and respect them. Of course this is easiest if your congregation has hopeful, empowering, and communicative clergy, deacons, wardens, lay leaders, and committee chairs. But it is most important when you don’t.

When you agree with the leaders’ values, get involved and follow their lead. Help others see the values and follow as well with you. When you disagree with their values, name the difference in values. Name the principles that you think need to be changed. Calmly confront unproductive behaviors. (Engage your judicatory right away if any leaders are breaching ethical boundaries.)

But keep the discussion about values. Do not engage in secret discussion about personalities. Do not fall into the trap of seeing a leader as only their weaknesses. God loves every single person and the church and its leaders are called to live out that love.

Name your values and the congregation’s values. Demand transparency. Ask for honesty. Insist on integrity. Call the congregation to discernment and prayer and to the search for a God given calling. Do that without calling names, without gossiping in the parking lot, without making the issue about supporting this person or being against that person.

Leaders on the side are part of helping a congregation find its way. They rub some backs, and let some people rub their backs. They lead from their values. They follow people with strong values. They pray for the church and for everyone in it.

This post first appeared on The Mission Institute website and is reprinted with permission. The Mission Institute is a collaborative venture of Episcopal Divinity School, Episcopal City Mission, and the Episcopal Diocese of Massachusetts. It offers congregations and communities innovative learning opportunities that nurture leaders, strengthen communities, support spiritual growth, and advance positive transformation in our societies. Learn more about The Mission Institute here or visit their Facebook page.