Episcopal Church Foundation Vestry Papers - for leading congregations

The last time I went on a spiritual retreat, jam boxes blared Journey, and we traveled by Shake-n-Bake, a beloved bus aptly named for its lack of shocks and air conditioning.

Getting in touch with my soul was, in many ways, easier in the midst of teenage angst, between the gnashing of teeth with my parents and trying to figure out who I was despite the swirl of hormones and peer pressure.

As an adult, I have two kids with horseback lessons and Taekwondo, a husband, laundry, mortgage, car payments, spaghetti suppers, and VBS. And, oh yeah, a job.

I am too busy for a retreat.

And yet. Turns out that when you think that, it’s time for a break.

I am back in my office after eight days of CREDO, a retreat sponsored by the Church Pension Fund designed to guide lay employees, clergy, and bishops to wellness. The idea is that we can more fully live into God’s plan for our lives when we are healthy in all ways – spiritually, vocationally, physically, and financially. 

My husband, knowing that I lean to Type-A control freak, worried I would return with a litany of to-do’s, adding frenetic to busy and deepening our stress. 

It took a few days to untighten. Going against my extrovert nature, I skipped the evening reception each night but the last, returning to a room without Internet or TV, without dishes in the sink, and homework to review. As much as I love to talk, I learned I need quiet too. 

Worship each morning and many evenings was time for God, not a requirement of my job. 

Over meal times and in small groups, I learned about the lives of 30 people from across the country, tied together by a calling to work in the church but motley in our gifts, interests, personalities, and ages. If I left after eight days knowing only one thing, it is that our church is blessed with these amazing people who craft songs and structures and stories, all to share God’s word. I give thanks for them. 

I returned lighter in many ways, sloughing old skin scarred by hurts and anger. I returned deeper, ready to embrace a new way that weaves the strands of my life. I returned with a plan that reflects my heart's desire with what I hear God calling forth. 

In these first hours of back-in-the-groove, I keep thinking about the word retreat. And in some ways I wonder if retreat is actually what I’ve done most of my life – hanging back from the hardest work of listening to God and giving people the benefit of the doubt and loving myself without recoil or judgment. 

So maybe I should be telling friends and family about a CREDO week that was not a retreat but an advance, a forward movement into wellness in all ways.