Episcopal Church Foundation Vestry Papers - for leading congregations

I love the holidays. I enjoy Advent candles and the Christmas decorations, picking out a tree, the midnight service on Christmas Eve. And, I occasionally find them stressful. There’s always a lot to do. As an employee of the church I’ve had to print all the extra bulletins, make sure we had plenty of candles and other advent supplies, and prepare for Christmas, in addition to my own personal Christmas preparations. Most years I had a long to-do list.

It’s at times like these that we should strive to be conscious of the needs of the congregation. It’s easy to get caught up in the tasks that await us or to focus on our own families and neglect the church family. This may not be true of everyone, but I have found that, as a church employee, when I have a long to-do list, answering requests from parishioners goes down on my list of priorities. I’m more worried about checking all the immediate tasks off the list then attending to the less concrete needs of the congregation. I can become more concerned with the Christmas bulletins rather than considering whether parishioners have the support they need during what can be a difficult season for some people.

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Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” Then he goes on to say a bit later to “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your father in heaven.”

With the ever-increasing polarization of our society today (think politics, religion, etc.), it’s vital that we, as Christians, understand what it means to be a peacemaker. Christians are drawing lines in the sand. Dioceses, parishes, and vestries are being torn apart. Many Christians find themselves on opposing sides from one another. But a wise friend of mine taught me that an effective peacemaker doesn’t draw a line in the sand, nor do they stand on one side or another; rather “they take their foot and erase the line altogether.”

The Episcopal Church has ALWAYS been a body of all sorts of believers, actively trying to live out their baptismal covenant to “respect the dignity of EVERY human being.” Lately, though, many of my fellow Episcopalians are feeling like they don’t belong, and that’s sad. The truth of the matter is that we all belong. There IS room at the table for YOU, regardless of your political or theological stance, your sexual identity, your race, gender, etc. How can we promote peace among nations if we can’t promote peace in our own backyards or even in our own sanctuaries?

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A few years ago, I was putting the Advent schedule on the parish website and had the impetus to make some other improvements to the site, but I managed to crash most of the pages of our website and a 404 error was generated when you tried to view it. That is, anytime someone went to click on that link, they saw, “404 error, page not found”.

Yikes. Thankfully, it only took me the rest of the afternoon, albeit panicked, to figure out my mistakes in the page code and then once again, all was right in our little patch of cyberspace.

When I saw the video “404, the story of a page not found,” a TED Talk by Renny Gleeson, a light bulb went on in my head. Not only for how I might redesign my 404 page to make it less annoying, but also with other areas of my ministry.

In his talk (a short four minutes, I highly recommend), Mr. Gleeson shares his insight related to how experiences, such as reaching a broken link, make us feel and, the power we have to manage that feeling. His examples of companies intentionally using humor, inspiration, and other creative means within the design their 404 error page illustrate ways to transform the annoyance of reaching a broken link to an experience that could even be fun, or at least not such a disappointment. Those moments become opportunities to build better relationships, or as Mr. Gleeson put it, “A simple mistake can tell me what I’m not or remind me that I love you.”

In so many ways, this is a fundamentally Christian principle.

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The headline reads “Churches respond in many ways to help storm-battered communities;” reading the article, it is very clear that people are the church.

In this time of declining church attendance and the pressing need for money to maintain our aging buildings, it is easy to think about church as institution, as someone else. “Why isn’t the church doing more to recruit new members?” is an oft heard refrain as if the clergy or the vestry or the diocese, or someone, anyone, other than the speaker is responsible for bringing things back to the way they were.

As after any devastating storm, fire, or other disaster, people step up in service to others. Today, it is happening in the areas affected by Hurricane Sandy as people – paid and volunteer – work together to bring relief to those for whom ‘normal life’ has ceased to exist.

I encourage you to read this article by Sharon Sheridan, a reporter for Episcopal News Service. The people of her parish, St. Peter’s in Morristown, NJ answered an early call to serve as a warming and recharging station for people who had lost power. Recognizing that many of the people who were coming were hungry, the parishioners organized and began serving meals.

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I spend a lot of time consuming information and entertainment, from television to news, blogs and books, music and podcasts and NPR. I’ve been following the election and watching the debates, as well. There’s always new information and new culture to absorb. It’s good to keep abreast of what is happening in the world, but sometimes constantly trying to keep up with the latest developments means that I’m never quiet, never really listening to the still small voice within.

Yesterday, however, I spent about six hours on a bus. I was traveling to Connecticut for a church function. The function was quite lovely, but I may have enjoyed the bus trip even more. While we traveled out of Manhattan and then through the hills covered in the fall colors, I read a little and wrote in my notebook, but I refrained from spending much time on my phone or listening to music on my earphones. For the most part I watched the passing countryside outside my window.

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Small things matter. This is something that I am occasionally reminded of during the busy times of the year. Many church staff and vestry members are busy in the fall as new programs start up, and it can be easy to forget how important it is to spell someone’s name correctly or to make sure a congregational meeting gets into the Sunday bulletin.

Church and emotions are inextricable. At work we can pretend that nothing is personal, but in the church separating our emotions and the administrative details can be difficult. It’s easy to misplace a letter or forget a name when you’re working in a small office on a particularly busy day. Unfortunately, the amount of attention you might pay to the spelling of someone’s name may be connected to how they perceive their importance in the community. If your name is spelled wrong, it can feel as if the staff of the church don’t know or care who you are.

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For the first time in three weeks, I stood without clutching a wall or bracing myself on a nearby table or chair, pain roiling up and down my back.

Pain plays a time-twist trick: when you’re in the throes, it’s hard to remember pain-free, and I start to fret that I might not return to my normal.

I don’t know what triggered the muscles in lower back and legs to clinch. But even my kids could feel the ridges of knots.

I did bed rest and pain medicine, heating pads and stretches. I tried toughing it out, only to fight tears when I couldn’t turn over in bed without a push.

But I don’t think I prayed (at least not more than a few "Oh gods" that came not from the heart but from frustration). And, I’m ashamed to say, it never crossed my mind to go to one of the healing services at our church.

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Facebook has made birthdays fun again…. I’ll confess: I was looking forward to opening my Facebook account this morning, with the expectation that it would be filled with birthday greetings. I wasn’t disappointed.

Being noticed – and acknowledged – makes me feel good. It tells me that I matter. And today, as I enjoy the good feelings that come from this affirmation, I’m thinking about how we, as people of faith, send affirmations to others, especially people who are alone or lonely, scared, hurt, or sad:

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I want a village to help raise my PK’s (priest's kids) – as long as they’re not defined by their parents’ profession.

I’m sure this is an issue for families of a variety of occupations, but there are some peculiar expectations placed on priest kids. Let’s be honest: it’s complicated when Father Joe is also Daddy. When your foibles and quirky comments make the Sunday sermon. Or when people raise their eyebrows when the kids say their mom is the priest.

We’ve all heard the urban legend about the two kinds of priest kids: the super-devout and the wild child. My husband and I are trying to let our kids find their own way, without superimposing higher standards because of their father’s vocation.

But we need your help.

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Most days, our Facebook pages are filled with good news: the amazing dinner our friend cooked last night or all the exciting things everyone did this weekend. There’s pressure in our lives, exacerbated by social media, to put only our best selves forward, though we all know that this picture is a false one. Especially when we are feeling lonely or depressed, hearing constantly about fantastic our friends’ lives are can make us feel more isolated.

I was at a meeting recently with a friend in which participants talked about issues they were struggling with. There was something moving about hearing others speak honestly and openly about their difficulties, and the way they affirmed and supported each other. I was reminded of the importance of creating space in our communities to talk about the loneliness, pain, or fear we experience in our lives.

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Is our fast paced, change driven culture compatible with congregational spiritual tranquility?

As Episcopalians we pray each week "Sanctify us also...that we may serve you in unity, constancy, and peace." - Holy Eucharist II

We pray for what it is we desire and what we most need.

How do congregations make urgent vitality and viability decisions at the most spiritually ripe time? Simply, congregations must experience spiritual tranquility and constancy.

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How do congregations decide the spiritually ripe time to make their most difficult decisions?

Many Episcopal congregations are facing urgent decisions on the ways they can grow their parish, increase their pledges, and bring in more young families. Some Episcopal congregations have the added concern of asking if they should try one more growth initiative or decide if it is time to close their church building due to a steady decline in attendance and extensive operating costs. These are hard decisions that leave many Episcopalians with a mixed sense of dread and urgency.

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[Post #2 of 5 - "Do You Recognize the Signs of Your Congregation's Spiritual Crisis?"]

Spiritual desolation occurs when we cease to experience and or question the reality of God's love for us. Augustine's words bring us back to our spiritual center, "our hearts are restless, until they rest in you."

Congregations in desolation are restless and experience extended periods of disquiet, anxiety and fear. They struggle with all their energies to merely keep their churches open, maintain some communal fellowship, and administer the sacraments. These congregations may experience communal fragmentation, mutual distrust, anger, severe judgment of others, and manipulation of truth for their short-term gratification. Congregations such as these are not available for alternative ministerial paths nor are they open to hear the call to new missions.

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The Quakers have a wonderful marriage tradition that my husband and I borrowed for our wedding nearly 15 years ago.

States require the signatures of a couple of witnesses on the official marriage certificate. But in the Quaker tradition, everyone who attends signs another certificate as a witness to their presence and support for the marriage. This one isn't legally binding, but it's community building, a reminder that marriage, like other commitments, doesn’t happen in a isolation. It happens within community. 

Our church celebrated a baptism on Sunday. Since we are still new to the congregation, we’re learning their customs. I was delighted to be introduced to a new one. 

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I'd like to share James Lee's story with you: a story of a young boy, devastating circumstances, and how a community - of children and adults - pulled together to help. It is a story that speaks for itself and exemplifies the importance of immediate, generous pastoral care as one of the most vital practices of congregations, schools, dioceses, and individuals.
School community pulls together for ill sixth-grader By Steve Lopez, Los Angeles Times

"When students at St. James' Episcopal School in Koreatown learned that James Lee was seriously ill, they held fundraisers and reached out to the community for help. The response was overwhelming.
"The story of James Lee, a sixth-grade student at St. James' Episcopal School in Koreatown, isn't an easy one to write.
"Three years ago, James' mother died of cancer. And before the loss could settle in, his father's clothing sales company lost a major retail contract, and the business went under.
"Then in January, James complained of a headache and seemed disoriented at school. He ended up at Children's Hospital Los Angeles, and the diagnosis was devastating."
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I had a blog post almost ready to post before I went to church on Sunday evening. Perhaps that’s what a sacrament should do: engage and disrupt. At St. Lydia’s on Sunday evenings we prepare a meal together and participate in a simple and ancient liturgy. We tell stories and sing and pray. This week, some of the stories were unexpectedly moving. They were about loss and healing.

Telling each other difficult things, making sure that someone else in the world knows that we are in pain, or afraid, or have endured a difficult past, isn’t easy, but it’s essential to living in community. We are, to some extent, the story that we tell ourselves, a narrative that we’ve been developing throughout our entire lives. If we don’t tell that story, then we shrink into ourselves and away from our community.

Of course, these experiences aren’t always easy to tell, or to hear. After the sermon we sang, and then we were invited to offer our prayers aloud. This Sunday there were more names than usual - the names of the sick and those who had died and those who were suffering in less tangible ways.

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Over the sink in our office kitchen is one of my favorite cartoons by priest and Church Pension Group calendar-creator Jay Sidebotham.

A church has added three new stained glass windows. One depicts the church secretary. The tagline: the real saints of the church.

Today is administrative professional’s day. I think this might be a made-up holiday, with card-makers and florists in cahoots. Nevertheless, it gives us an opportunity to raise up the ministry of administrators.

I don’t know a single church that doesn’t veer toward chaos if the church secretary goes on extended leave. These are the people who bind all the disparate parts of the congregation. They are the first voice on the phone when the call comes in that a grandfather suffered a stroke. They collect all of the parish announcements and somehow craft them into something that makes sense for the bulletin insert.

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Author's Note: Last week I was at the Episcopal Communicator’s Conference at Kanuga. Our conversations, plenaries, and workshops celebrated communications as mission with the goal of sharing this message throughout our Church. On March 24, Kerry Allman, Internet Strategist with the Diocese of Olympia, The Episcopal Church in Western Washington, posted  "Communication is Mission," in his Putting the "I-T" in Spirit blog. The post brought tears to my eyes and I knew that I wanted to share Kerry's story with the ECF Vital Practices audience.

Communication is Mission

By Kerry Allman

A wonderful update from Melodie Woerman (Communications Director for the Episcopal Diocese of Kansas):

Yesterday’s “Brother, Give Us a Word” offered this definition of “mission,” a sometimes ephemeral concept for me:

“Mission is primarily about making the presence of God incarnate, that is, visible and tangible, in a particular place and a particular time, where ever “the Body is lacking”and therefore most needed.”

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A warden heard it on CBC radio, how a northern community took the needs of the bereaved seriously. Men seemed to suffer nutritionally when a spouse dies. “We are of a certain age, “said Douglas. “where we would barbeque but mostly we had a spouse who did the cooking.” 

Fast food, not enough fruits and vegetables, lack of food safety skills, and the energy drain of grief all make it hard for those who are older, now suddenly single. Classes where they can come together, learn and share, eat in community and take home the leftovers have been a huge success. Sociologists have told us that this age group cannot always manage social media technology and may suffer from the ‘bowling alone’ realities of contemporary culture – fewer men’s clubs that were popular destinations post World War II. We wanted to break that isolation since churches are usually pretty good at building community and because we often gather for meals. We called our program “Mike’s Kitchen” and we keep religious chat at a minimum. (The parish is called St. Michael and All Angels, but we didn’t want anyone to self select out of going into a church and we don’t think we are out to evangelize in a formal sense of the word. We are just seeking to serve where we can in ways that might encourage others.)

Our parish has new stoves, a new refrigerator and dishes that are mainly used on Sunday mornings or for the occasional open table or potluck lunch. Days go by when there are no good smells or even conversation over coffee in the kitchen. Stewardship of our resources, serving the neighbouring community, supporting those in need of new friends - it seemed like a good fit. And it has been true. 

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The last few months my girlfriend has been dealing with nerve pain and I’ve been only intermittently employed. It’s been difficult for both of us, filled with uncertainty and frustration. There were sleepless nights and weeks during which we had no idea how to proceed. There were moments when we felt helpless and alone. Often, we felt the need to pray, though both of us are so full of doubt that it was difficult for us to do so. 
One day a friend of ours, a pastor, called and prayed for us over the phone. He prayed in Portuguese, which I don’t speak, but I could tell that the words were directed at both of us just as much as they were directed at God. My dad, who is an Episcopal priest, also called a few times and said prayers for us during this difficult time. He used to pray for me often as I was growing up. He’d place his hand on my forehead and pray, “All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.” I was an anxious child, and have grown up into a somewhat anxious adult, and those words still give me comfort.  

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